Finding Purpose
Writing blindly, seeking a purpose.
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For What Purpose?
I am writing this without knowledge of a purpose. I have no preconceived idea or theme, just a compulsion to write something. Anything.
I usually save this type of writing for my journal, where I write about my deepest desires or fears, or about influences of my past or plans for my future, but I am writing this on a piece of paper not associated with my journal or current blog I have in progress.
I am not writing about a novel I am working on, or a character that may be giving me a challenging time.
I have no intention of writing about the war or inflation or the reawakened nuclear threat or about the “slap heard around the world.”
I have no desire to readdress past harms done to me or by me. Or about unrequited love or loneliness.
I don’t wish to mention my fight with God or theology, even though I, currently, no longer believe.
Why I Write
I am writing because I write. I am a writer. I am a creator. I am alive and I want people to know that.
To know I exist.
To realize who I am and that I am important.
I am as important and worthy of love as you are. As we all are.
But I am alone. I have alienated the ones I love by hiding my truth. I have alienated others by revealing my truth, and a few remain in my life despite these failings.
The Lies
Living a lie through 35 years of marriage made my wife feel used, abused, and believing she wasted 35 years of her life.
Oh, she knew what I was before she accepted my proposal. I confessed to her and let her read my personal journal. And in my favor, I promised I could change my core being for her, because I had a very adaptable mind (a lie I convinced myself of before I told her). And when I found out that I couldn’t change, I said I had because I didn’t want to lose her.
Biblical in Scope
This is a new story for some, but in recent years it has become cliché. It is as old a story as the biblical mandate to stone…
